Here we go.....again....for the 4th time *sigh*
When I got my re-testing done last month for pre-ivf blood work, my thyroid level was too high (almost 10). Ooops. The thing is, after my failed FET, I got very pissed off at the world. I stopped taking all my meds and vitamins. I also didn't take my synthroid regularly. Bad decision...very bad. I knew my thyroid was off, because I felt like shit, and I knew my level would be off when I went to get the blood work. My senses kicked in and I started back on my meds regularly. When the RE saw my level, he said that if my level didn't come back down in a month - IVF would be on hold....CRAP!
I called the nurse and let them know I wasn't taking my meds right and that's why it was so high. They agreed to retest my blood work the day that I signed the financial papers (last Thursday). It went down to a low 3. YESSS! It was still too high for their liking, but they decided that they would test it again on CD3 and if it was still down - we could proceed.
I went for my CD3 testing today. It was supposed to be my first day back to work after the break, but I took the entire day instead of half because I only could get a later appointment. Good thing I did, because for some reason, they were taking FOREVER and I was there for over an hour and 15mins for just blood work and an ultrasound. I was so annoyed.
They called this afternoon, and everything was good. My level went down to 2.07!! My FSH is good and E2 is good.
I started my first injections tonight. My meds won't be here until tomorrow (insurance hold up for a pre-authorization). But they called today, and they will be here tomorrow. My nurse ordered me extra Menopur so that if we do a donor cycle - then I can donate my meds to her to save on money. Woo hoo! You'd think I'd be a pro at all these injections - but I forgot how much liquid to mix with the Menopur and had to look it up. And I didn't give the injections fast enough and they stung some. My first one bleed a lot. I'm out of practice. But don't worry, in just a few days, I'll be back to pro status. I'm still on 425iu follistim two times a day. I dread the uncomfortable feeling that I'll be getting in just a few days. I stocked up on Gatorade and salty chips. I'm ready for this.
The donor coordinator doesn't get into the office, so she will be calling me and getting me all the info for that. Hopefully we will not need it.
I'm having a hard few days with everything - realizing that all I've wanted in life was family - to be pregnant and have a baby. It's very possible that this will never happen, and it hit me. I spent a few days crying and feeling down. I was especially pissed off at myself for being upset that a friend told me she was pregnant. I was already having a bad day - and I haven't seen her for awhile. She came in, hugged me, and said, "Guess what...I'm going to have a baby" (while holding her stomach). As she hugged me, I said congrats, and just couldn't look at her. I feel terrible because it's not HER fault. I just realized I may never have the happiness that she has. It mad me so sad, and then I got bitter, and in a bad mood. I think I am going to email her and apologize and explain things a little bit. She'll understand, but I still feel terrible.
Please send any prayers and thoughts my way for a good cycle. This is the last chance with my own eggs. Any extra juju will do me some good!
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