IVF #2

We have begun IVF#2. We got bad news at the start that we would probably need to freeze all of the embryos and not do a transfer this cycle because of fluid in the lining of my uterus. My last ultrasound showed that most of the fluid has gone away, but there is still a small pocket of fluid. The nurse said the chance for a transfer is still there. Good news, right?

I've been having a hard time lately being so damn sad. I don't want to be, but I can't help it. I trying to get excited for this opportunity to do IVF again, but I just can't. I'm afraid that it will fail again. I have to remain positive. But, I'm sick of needles, I'm sick of condom covered ultrasound probes, I'm sick of getting up early to drive to the hospital before work, I'm sick of needles...I'm sick of this whole process. :(

I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My estimated retrieval is May 29th....transfer June 1st. Of course this lands on the last week of school for students. And I'll likely not be there for their last day of school. And since I've used up all my days this year with all my RE appointments, I will have to take them unpaid. Oh well, this comes first...

I will be getting a MUCH NEEDED vacation soon! I'm flying to Florida to stay with my aunt. My youngest cousin is graduating high school. This is the aunt who's husband passed away from cancer. I can't believe it's been almost 2 years already :(  He is greatly missed!

At least I just have to fly one way. They will be driving up to PA for a few months like always - so I'll just drive home with them. It sucks that I won't be with Anthony when I find out if this time works or not. It's probably best I not be around him - if it fails again.

If it fails, maybe I'll just stay at my aunts a little longer myself and fly home...get some alone time. Can you tell my optimism isn't very high right now??