Two years...its been two years since this journey first began. And I have nothing to show for my two year journey, except a broken heart and lots of tears. I'm at the end of my rope. I have no more left to hold on to. This struggle has been complete hell. I don't know how much more I can handle. But I will not stop. I will not stop until I have a child. But then I think....what if it never happens. It has to be meant to be. I've gone through all the stages of TTC grief. It's like a circle. I just wish this was easier. It's breaking me. I am cracked. I am fragile. I am broken. But, I will not be defeated. I try to keep my head up, but it is too hard. There are reminders everywhere. I find myself searching online for items for the baby I do not have. And with each month of disapointment my heart gets heavier. My friends are now onto having their second and third child. I put on my fake smile, and hide behind my constant sadness. It's not fair that being intimate is now ruined by timing and two years of putting in the extra effort. And my schedule is dictated by morning temping, early morning bloodwork and ultrasounds, and evening injections. I've been poked and prodded and bruised. I can't even have sex without thinking if this is it. I have good days and I have bad days. Today....it's a bad day. I am sad....so very sad and broken.
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