After having all immature eggs and no possibility of a transfer, the RE recommended we use donor eggs for the best possible chance of pregnancy. And the best possibility of it being only 50%. He said find someone under the age of 32 and they will test them, or use an anonymous donor. I thought a lot about it and am having a tough time with it. I feel at this moment in time that I would resent the baby because it will not belong to me. It will be some other woman and DH's baby. I'm sure this ultimately won't happen - as I would bond with the baby by carrying it. But, these are my feelings at this point in time.
10 minutes after the doctor broke the news about donor eggs, I found out that I would be laid off. I already got my pre furlough letter. My district is closing two schools, so there were about 15 cuts/reductions. Out of the 15, 3 are elementary, and I am number 2. I need 2 more people to retire to get my job back. Well, a job back. I probably won't get placed where I was before.
So I packed my room up and brought it home for the 4th year in a row. And the next day, I flew to Florida for my cousin's graduation party. I thought going way would help with my funk, but it didn't. My cousin who is 20 is very eager to give me her eggs. I thought it was very sweet of her, and I told her my concerns, and she seemed fine about it and really wants to help. The more I think about it, the more I consider it. Only because she is part of this family, so I'd have family genetics with the baby. And, it would keep my uncle's memory alive. Her father died 2 years ago from Cancer. So it'd be nice to have his genetics in the baby too. I just would have to get past that I feel like I'd be judged how I'm raising her kid. She is so young that she isn't even thinking about that. She has never been to the gyno and is willing to do all this for me. I warned her that modesty will go out the window when going through this. Ha! She is in college so, having her donate eggs will probably have to be over summer or winter break. To me, that's a long time to wait.
So I worked on my tan all week and spent most of my time in the pool and at the beach.
If there wasn't so much seaweed, it would have been nicer!
I also got to see my favorite Pompano Beach Firemen <3 These men mean the world to me! My uncle was a firemen for Pompano. And the firemen family has been wonderful since the death and funeral. They have basically become a part of the family. There are a select few that I keep in contact with throughout the year. Spending time keeping busy helped. It was the down time and alone time that I start thinking of how things suck.
So with the option of using donor eggs there, we also had the option of using our own eggs. But if we do this, the RE said we have to do a repeat laparoscopy. I had one done July 2011, so it haven't even been a year yet! During the aspiration of the eggs with the last IVF, there were cysts filled with brown fluid and debris. There had also been fluid in my uterus/cavity. So we decided to go the Lap route and try one more time, since it's mostly covered by my insurance - whereas if we use a donor, we have to pay out of pocket for all of that. So I'd rather try a few more times and fail then jump right into donors.
So I came back from Florida on Sunday night. Monday, I had to have an ultrasound to check things out. Of course it showed fluid and cysts still - so that showed my surgery was warranted and not just exploratory. So I felt better going through it. It's a very sucky surgery!
So Tuesday, I had my laparoscopy and also had a hysteroscopy (where they check the lining of the uterus). The RE found endo in my uterus and removed it. My tubes still looked clear from the last time (I had a blocked left tube). He also removed some cysts (not sure how many) but said only one had brown fluid and debris. I believe he took out the fluid found in my uterus too. I was in recovery for about 8 hours. It was terrible. I was very nauseous and my coloring was very bad. I'm recovering pretty well, but last night, I start AF-like bleeding. It's light, but more than spotting. It's normal to have this. Another thing I didn't have last time are sores in my mouth. There are hard spots in the back of my tongue and they are very painful. I'm sure they are from the breathing tube, but they make me feel miserable!
So that's my update. Had surgery and will do IVF asap. It's supposed to be when my period comes, but the IVF lab is closed until the 16th, so if AF comes before the 3rd, then I have to wait another cycle. I'm hoping that doesn't happen. I really want to do it right away to give the best chance of working. I'm assuming that the embabies didn't stick the first time because of the endo/scar tissue so there wasn't anywhere to implant. The RE told DH that he was more aggressive this time in cleaning me out and removing the endo. So fingers are crossed!
This weekend is going to be a busy one! My cousin is getting married and there are festivities every day starting tonight. My family is all in town, so it will be nice. Hopefully I feel better this afternoon.
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